I am going to start off with the bad things that have happened this
week, so that this story has a happy ending. On Saturday one of the greatest
people in the world passed away. I didnt find out until 8am on the following Monday. I didn't
email anybody because I wanted to be able to process my thoughts because I knew
I would have rambled on about how much I missed him. I sat in the chapel of the
stake center for the next two hours begging my Father in Heaven for comfort. I
will say that I didn't feel comforted right away. I was absolutely torn apart and
I didn't know how I was supposed to handle myself. I got back on the computer at
around 10 and just thanked my parents for telling me, I couldn't bring myself to
really talk about how I felt so that is why nobody was emailed last week. It was
really hard overall to hear about Papa, I had a lot of emails from family
telling me to be strong and that he was in a better place. The one that hit the
hardest was Grandma's email. All she said was that he really loved me and he
would tell the other temple workers that his Grandson was a missionary in
California. It was really hard to read everything but I did and I started
feeling better. I hope everybody knows that I really did love Papa. He was the
one who really taught me how to ski, he would take me up with his ski class and
we would ski all day and he would take me home afterwards. He was also the one
who took me on my first mountain biking trip. I remember the time when we got
to the top I realized that my rear brake didnt work. So I biked down the path
behind the temple with only my front brakes. Needless to say I got torn up
pretty good! My Grandpa was honestly rock solid, he biked over to our house from
Bountiful because he could. He was a hero in my eyes! I remember being so angry
with him when he told the family he was going to Micronesia because I
missed him so much when he was in Yap. Needless to say I loved my Grandpa a lot.
Right after I got off the computer President Wilson called me up and asked how I
was doing. I talked to him a little bit about it and he just kept making sure I
was ok. It was a pretty cool feeling that President Wilson cared enough to call
me personally.
I was told some other things that I would rather not have to share that
also was hard to find out. It felt like all these things were laid on top of
eachother and I just couldn't function. I was so torn apart that I spent the rest
of the day playing basketball to get my mind off of it. I hate basketball, it
isn't fun but it was enough to distract me for a little while. I told Heavenly
Father that I didnt want to feel anymore, that I just wanted to become a robot
that is incapable of feeling anything. Unfortunately, for me the Lord doesnt work
like that haha. My week got worse when I fell on my bike tuesday. I hit a pot
hole in the dark and flew over the handlebars onto my head. I ruined both my
shirt and pants during my fall. I also screwed my bike up in the fall. I gave it
to a member who works on bikes. I told me that The front forks are basically
crap, he said I can ride it, but he also said that if I fall like that again on
my bike, my forks will snap in half and I could be seriously injured. I just got
called to a bike area, so you could say Im a little scared! I cut my shoulder up
pretty well too so that was great. I dont know why but I am just brutal to my
right shoulder haha. Ok, now we can get to the happy part!
The good Part :)
As I said before, I did not feel like the Lord answered my prayers that day
in the chapel. I felt horrible because of Papa and completely alone and
abandoned by the other things. While I was talking with President I told him
that once I can get back to work I will be fine, I won't have to think about
anything else and I wont be reminded. Tuesday we got to work and then the bike
thing happened. I almost laughed because things were just piling on. It slowed
me down a lot because of the pain in my head and shoulder but I forced myself to
go back to work. I can tell all of you sincerely that I worked harder this week
than I have my whole life. I was still frustrated that my prayers weren't
answered and I still felt horrible for everything that happened. Here is where I
can get to the good part, because it wasn't until Saturday that I found out the
Lord blessed me even before I had ever thought to ask him for it. and turned my
week into the best of my mission.
When the age change for the Missionaries came, I was still determined to
wait a year and go to college. It wasnt until Trevor Obray's call opening that
the idea hit me that I needed to go right away. I told my parents that I wanted
to go right after school ended. After I began my papers I started to drift off,
I had a lot of doubts of whether or not I could handle being away from home, I
wanted to delay everything and wait a year. I was really determined to do it but
every single time I prayed about it I got the overwhelming feeling that I needed
to leave. The feeling of doubts and inadequacy didn't stop, while I was in the
MTC I still had wished I waited, I didn't feel like I was ready for it. I always
figured the Lord wanted me to serve now because I will have my whole life ahead
of me when I get home, now I have begun to think that I needed to be a
missionary during these trials. I dont know how I would have handled everything
if I wasn't. Being a missionary gave me the strength and the will to push through
everything and continue to pray and gain faith. That alone was a
blessing.
The day Papa passed away I was given the amazing opportunity to baptize
Billie Stocking and witness the baptism of Zach Fernandez. Being able to have
been apart of their conversion story made me so happy! That was an incredible
reminder of why I came on a mission, to help people come closer with the person
that has made my life amazing. They both are so very special and they deserved
what they recieved. I was able to confirm Zach a member of the church yesterday
in sacrament meeting. That was also an amazing experience, the spirit was so
strong in that room and the Ward really got the good spiritual feeling, they are
now beginning to come alive in the work. That was another blessing.
One of the biggest and coolest blessings I recieved this week, was that
while everyone at home was at Papa's funeral, I was at the LA temple. Which is
exactly where I needed to be. This temple trip was so spiritual for me,
different from any other one that I have gone. For the first time the whole week
I was just happy, I didn't have anything else on my mind but Papa and the Lord. I
was irritating the member I was with because I spent a long time in the
Celestial room praying and trying to find things to be thankful for instead of
dwell on how sad I was. It really was the most amazing experience that I cant
describe in its fullness. It was amazing that the rare opportunity I have to
attend the temple just happened to fall on a day I was not looking forward
to.
The lesson Learned
I think that when something we hold close is lost, we as humans have a
tendency to do one of two things. Either they instantly look for other things
that are bad and they just feel worse, or they involve Heavenly Father. I think
that when we do involve Him, He has a tendency to show us the things we are
actually blessed with instead of the trials. Before my mission, I tended to do
the first action after a trial. It was really hard to be happy. When these
trials came I decided to put my burdens on the Lord. This became the best week
of my mission. Being able to look back and instead of seeing all the bad things
that happened and only seeing the good in all of it has been an amazing miracle.
It has strengthened my testimony exponentially of how my Heavenly Father really
knows me, that he has been preparing for this time for a while. I know that he
really does love us and that he always fulfills his promise in John 14:
14-20
14 If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do
it
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another
Comforter, that he may abide with you forever,
17 Even the spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because
it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with
you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you
19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see
me: because I live, ye shall live also.
20 at that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me,
and I in you.
I know that the Lord means it when he says he will comfort us, we may not
see it at first, and we may not find comfort right away. I know he always comes
to us and will lift us up when we need him. "I will be with thee: I will not
fail thee, nor forsake thee." -Joshua 1:5
There has been another scripture that has been involuntarily filtered
through my mind over the past week. I did not know what it was, but I found it
and found an amazing sense of relief and comfort in it. The scripture is 2
timothy 4:5-8
5 But awatch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an
bevangelist, cmake full proof of thy ministry.
6 For I am now ready to be
offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.
7 I have fought a good
fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
8 Henceforth there
is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge,
shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love
his appearing.
When I finally read this It was really hard not to cry, because I knew that
Papa was happy, that he lived worthy enough to inherit the celestial kingdom,
that he "fought a good fight, finished his course, and kept the faith." He IS
truly an amazing man and I am so proud to be his Grandson.
This has been the most rewarding and spiritually challenging week of my
mission, I lost my Grandpa but I gained a greater testimony of my Father in
Heaven that I could have never found otherwise. I hope you all didnt get too
bored reading this, but I hope you guys know that Im doing well, that I am happy
in my mission and that the Lord is really watching over me. I love being a
missionary it has brought me the greatest 6 months of my entire life. I love
this gospel and the peace and joy it brings people. I am so grateful for my
trials, they have helped me come closer to my Heavenly Father.
I hope you all are doing well, and that the Lord can impact your life as
greatly as he has in mine. I love all of you and am thankful for all the
wonderful letters, emails, and support you show me. I hope to hear from you all
soon and hope you all have a wonderful week!
Elder Taylor Carper
