During Trials Come Miracles

I am going to start off with the bad things that have happened this week, so that this story has a happy ending. On Saturday one of the greatest people in the world passed away. I didnt find out until 8am on the following Monday. I didn't email anybody because I wanted to be able to process my thoughts because I knew I would have rambled on about how much I missed him. I sat in the chapel of the stake center for the next two hours begging my Father in Heaven for comfort. I will say that I didn't feel comforted right away. I was absolutely torn apart and I didn't know how I was supposed to handle myself. I got back on the computer at around 10 and just thanked my parents for telling me, I couldn't bring myself to really talk about how I felt so that is why nobody was emailed last week. It was really hard overall to hear about Papa, I had a lot of emails from family telling me to be strong and that he was in a better place. The one that hit the hardest was Grandma's email. All she said was that he really loved me and he would tell the other temple workers that his Grandson was a missionary in California. It was really hard to read everything but I did and I started feeling better. I hope everybody knows that I really did love Papa. He was the one who really taught me how to ski, he would take me up with his ski class and we would ski all day and he would take me home afterwards. He was also the one who took me on my first mountain biking trip. I remember the time when we got to the top I realized that my rear brake didnt work. So I biked down the path behind the temple with only my front brakes. Needless to say I got torn up pretty good! My Grandpa was honestly rock solid, he biked over to our house from Bountiful because he could. He was a hero in my eyes! I remember being so angry with him when he told the family he was going to Micronesia because I missed him so much when he was in Yap. Needless to say I loved my Grandpa a lot. Right after I got off the computer President Wilson called me up and asked how I was doing. I talked to him a little bit about it and he just kept making sure I was ok. It was a pretty cool feeling that President Wilson cared enough to call me personally.

I was told some other things that I would rather not have to share that also was hard to find out. It felt like all these things were laid on top of eachother and I just couldn't function. I was so torn apart that I spent the rest of the day playing basketball to get my mind off of it. I hate basketball, it isn't fun but it was enough to distract me for a little while. I told Heavenly Father that I didnt want to feel anymore, that I just wanted to become a robot that is incapable of feeling anything. Unfortunately, for me the Lord doesnt work like that haha. My week got worse when I fell on my bike tuesday. I hit a pot hole in the dark and flew over the handlebars onto my head. I ruined both my shirt and pants during my fall. I also screwed my bike up in the fall. I gave it to a member who works on bikes. I told me that The front forks are basically crap, he said I can ride it, but he also said that if I fall like that again on my bike, my forks will snap in half and I could be seriously injured. I just got called to a bike area, so you could say Im a little scared! I cut my shoulder up pretty well too so that was great. I dont know why but I am just brutal to my right shoulder haha. Ok, now we can get to the happy part!

 

The good Part :)

As I said before, I did not feel like the Lord answered my prayers that day in the chapel. I felt horrible because of Papa and completely alone and abandoned by the other things. While I was talking with President I told him that once I can get back to work I will be fine, I won't have to think about anything else and I wont be reminded. Tuesday we got to work and then the bike thing happened. I almost laughed because things were just piling on. It slowed me down a lot because of the pain in my head and shoulder but I forced myself to go back to work. I can tell all of you sincerely that I worked harder this week than I have my whole life. I was still frustrated that my prayers weren't answered and I still felt horrible for everything that happened. Here is where I can get to the good part, because it wasn't until Saturday that I found out the Lord blessed me even before I had ever thought to ask him for it. and turned my week into the best of my mission.

When the age change for the Missionaries came, I was still determined to wait a year and go to college. It wasnt until Trevor Obray's call opening that the idea hit me that I needed to go right away. I told my parents that I wanted to go right after school ended. After I began my papers I started to drift off, I had a lot of doubts of whether or not I could handle being away from home, I wanted to delay everything and wait a year. I was really determined to do it but every single time I prayed about it I got the overwhelming feeling that I needed to leave. The feeling of doubts and inadequacy didn't stop, while I was in the MTC I still had wished I waited, I didn't feel like I was ready for it. I always figured the Lord wanted me to serve now because I will have my whole life ahead of me when I get home, now I have begun to think that I needed to be a missionary during these trials. I dont know how I would have handled everything if I wasn't. Being a missionary gave me the strength and the will to push through everything and continue to pray and gain faith. That alone was a blessing.

The day Papa passed away I was given the amazing opportunity to baptize Billie Stocking and witness the baptism of Zach Fernandez. Being able to have been apart of their conversion story made me so happy! That was an incredible reminder of why I came on a mission, to help people come closer with the person that has made my life amazing. They both are so very special and they deserved what they recieved. I was able to confirm Zach a member of the church yesterday in sacrament meeting. That was also an amazing experience, the spirit was so strong in that room and the Ward really got the good spiritual feeling, they are now beginning to come alive in the work. That was another blessing.

One of the biggest and coolest blessings I recieved this week, was that while everyone at home was at Papa's funeral, I was at the LA temple. Which is exactly where I needed to be. This temple trip was so spiritual for me, different from any other one that I have gone. For the first time the whole week I was just happy, I didn't have anything else on my mind but Papa and the Lord. I was irritating the member I was with because I spent a long time in the Celestial room praying and trying to find things to be thankful for instead of dwell on how sad I was. It really was the most amazing experience that I cant describe in its fullness. It was amazing that the rare opportunity I have to attend the temple just happened to fall on a day I was not looking forward to.

The lesson Learned

I think that when something we hold close is lost, we as humans have a tendency to do one of two things. Either they instantly look for other things that are bad and they just feel worse, or they involve Heavenly Father. I think that when we do involve Him, He has a tendency to show us the things we are actually blessed with instead of the trials. Before my mission, I tended to do the first action after a trial. It was really hard to be happy. When these trials came I decided to put my burdens on the Lord. This became the best week of my mission. Being able to look back and instead of seeing all the bad things that happened and only seeing the good in all of it has been an amazing miracle. It has strengthened my testimony exponentially of how my Heavenly Father really knows me, that he has been preparing for this time for a while. I know that he really does love us and that he always fulfills his promise in John 14: 14-20
14 If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it

15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.

16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever,

17 Even the spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you

19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

20 at that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

I know that the Lord means it when he says he will comfort us, we may not see it at first, and we may not find comfort right away. I know he always comes to us and will lift us up when we need him. "I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." -Joshua 1:5

There has been another scripture that has been involuntarily filtered through my mind over the past week. I did not know what it was, but I found it and found an amazing sense of relief and comfort in it. The scripture is 2 timothy 4:5-8

5 But awatch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an bevangelist, cmake full proof of thy ministry.
6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.
7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

When I finally read this It was really hard not to cry, because I knew that Papa was happy, that he lived worthy enough to inherit the celestial kingdom, that he "fought a good fight, finished his course, and kept the faith." He IS truly an amazing man and I am so proud to be his Grandson.

This has been the most rewarding and spiritually challenging week of my mission, I lost my Grandpa but I gained a greater testimony of my Father in Heaven that I could have never found otherwise. I hope you all didnt get too bored reading this, but I hope you guys know that Im doing well, that I am happy in my mission and that the Lord is really watching over me. I love being a missionary it has brought me the greatest 6 months of my entire life. I love this gospel and the peace and joy it brings people. I am so grateful for my trials, they have helped me come closer to my Heavenly Father.

I hope you all are doing well, and that the Lord can impact your life as greatly as he has in mine. I love all of you and am thankful for all the wonderful letters, emails, and support you show me. I hope to hear from you all soon and hope you all have a wonderful week!

Elder Taylor Carper